


centricide oneshots (still taking oneshots)

by orphan_account



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Multi, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:02:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26792572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: some stuff it here, still i take suggestions
Comments: 32
Kudos: 35





	1. suggestions please

i can't always write lol so i need suggestions to make shorter things that i still like so i can work on my stuff, idrc care what u suggest, i'll probably write a few words. nothings off limits unless it makes me UNCOMY. anywyas thanks :))))


	2. oppunity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's ancom and nazi being dicks to each other, aren't you interested? they're both homosexuals too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clovenhooves suggested this!! i'm rlly glad cuz i love their writing. i hope it's good! it's short doe

ancom barely noticed the nazi stumble through the door, they were much to focused on the scarf that they were knitting. they were pretty sure they were going to give it to ancap, better way to pay it off then sucking his di-

crash

ancom let out a little screech, tossing their ball of yarn and their work so far onto the nice white couch. they shot up, what the fuck was that? 

oh god, nazi was straight down on the floor. and the wooden floor was no longer brown, but red, and shiny. what? 

oh fuck.

it was blood. nazi was bleeding out in the living room. ancap was gonna be so pissed. ancom was pissed. maybe they should let that fashie fuck bleed out. he'd only be out for a while. god, but ancap and tankie would be pissed at them. 

argh. 

how were they supposed to pick him up? he was shorter then them by a few inches but they'd be damned if he didn't weigh more, at least probably thirty pounds. and fuck, ancom could swing a baseball bat hard enough to smash a conservatives head, but they couldn't pick him up. 

guess he'd be dragged across the floor. it's what he deserved anyways. 

ancom grabbed one of his arms and started to drag him to the bathroom. that bastard. they wished they could just let him bleed out. they had to wonder though, who stabbed him and why? and where could they meet them, and give them a thank you card?

once in the bathroom, it took a minute of struggling to get nazi up onto the counter, and then another to make sure he didn't fall over and crack his skull on the tile, even if ancom really wanted to see it. they had to work around him, grabbing dental floss, pushing him back up, finding the needle in the cabinet, pushing him all the way so he leaned back, finding the alcohol.

fuck, this would be so much easier if he was awake. the easiest way to get someone up?

slap. 

the noise echoed around the room; just like nazi's little yelp. 

"sheiße." he whined, looking up at the glaring person in front of him, grabbing his cheek. nothing like a little backhand to wake someone up.

"wha- why?" he grumbled a bit, wincing, screwing his eyes shit and grabbing his stomach.

he looked so much... softer then usual. much less crisp and more rough. so ancom said the first reason they could think of, "god are you drunk?"

"are you high?" nazi shot back a little sluggishly, his voice a little slurred. 

"cheap shot, you fucking alcoholic." ancom rolled their eyes, jabbing at his stomach, and nazi let out an undignified cry.

"get your shirt off idiot," ancom grabbed at it, already working it off, "the fuck did you do to get stabbed?"

"was jus' talkin' to some guy, called him a fag, got stabbed, the usual." he rumbled. that did sound like the usual. 

"idiot. don't call people the f slur. it's not that hard." ancom rolled their 

"people just get offended to easily tod-aH! fuck! warn me next time!" he barked as ancom gave him a smug grin, wiping the alcohol on the wound. 

nazi worked away from the wipe a bit, but mostly kept still to ancom's surprise. they always squirmed around when commie helped them. 

ancom didn't respond as they tried to get the dental floss into the eye of the needle, but their shaky hands made it so hard to do. they let out a sharp little grumbled as nazi relaxed, clearly trying not to grab at the wound.

"damnit let me do it!" the white identatarian cried out angrily.

"your hands are just as shaky!" they shot back, trying to focus,as they managed to thread the needle, they stuck their tongue out at him, their faces much closer then previously, their victory cry cut short by nazi staring at their lips, and... fuck.

ancom gave him a quick little peck, and neither of them spoke. ancom looked down, working diligently on sewing the wound up, quick as possible. 

"'m going to bed." nazi said shooting up and leaving as soon as ancom finished. they heard a wince from him, but they couldn't bring them selves to care. 

this was going to be so awkward. thank god commie and ancap weren't home.


	3. dhjahdhs more pining but not as romantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for anticentristpropaganda hope u like :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're liek, teen boys. i think you'll catch on quick

auth unity awkward teen boys

"god, FUCK my dad, man." james grumbled, quietly fiddling with the pocket knife, flipping it in and out less carefully then maybe he should've been. joseph didn't seem to mind his rambling. he constantly jabbed at joseph for mentioning his feelings, but it was all cool for james to complain about his dad.

he guessed it was fine though, it didn't matter too much. what actually pissed him off was when he was told to not speak russian to his russian fucking parents, but whatever.

"he's such a piece of shit, he doesn't give a shit about me at all! he's so mean to me! god fuck him." james grumbled, stabbing the tree with his pocket knife.

"yeah, i know idiot. i don't like him either, haven't for years. this is not new idea." joesph muttered.

"hey! it's not like he's your dad!" james jabbed at him with his elbow. the branch shook a bit, and joesph grabbed james to make sure he didn't fall. james glared at him and pulled away. 

this is where they always sat, it wasn't hard to tell, james had carved all over the tree, his name, a swatiska that joesph had scratched out, a little smiley face. it was their tree, in their forest. it was their little place, the one thing the two of them had since kids. it was... nostalgic. 

james waved his hand in front of his face, "earth to tankie? you're staring at me!" he looked upset.

"huh?" he furrowed his eyebrows at the other boy, who was still glaring a bit.

"god, you act so degenerate sometimes," joesph rolled his eyes at the statement, "i was wondering if you were hungry? i'm hungry, we could walk over to a gas station or something." 

"sure," he shrugged, sliding off the tree and hitting the ground with little issue. james had a bit more of an issue. he slid off no problem, but in his landing his knees buckled, which he wasn't prepared for, and he fell face first into the ground. 

joesph turned his head up and started some barking laughter, and when he looked down at james, tears starting to form, he was just staring up at the man, less angry looking, in fact, his face was hard to read. that quickly fixed into his usual downturned eyebrows.

"fuck you!" he flipped the older boy off as scrambled up and stomped away, joesph following, still giggling a bit.

he jogged a bit to catch up, "where are we going then, boss?" it was an old nickname, mostly to make fun of him, but joesph also just thought it was kinda fun to say. 

"i wanna go to that bakery, they've got pastries and ice cream. i really want ice cream." james muttered the last part. 

they stepped out of the woods, which led straight out into town. joseph pointed, "that one? vanya's?" 

"yeah." james nodded, "you got a problem with that?"

"no just a little confused," he shrugged as they started walking.

"about what?" james looked confused up at him.

"well one, it's pretty cold," it was cold, the air was sharp and crisp, and joseph wouldn't admit it but his fingers were going kinda numb, "i don't know why you want ice cream. two," he stuck a second finger up, "are we going there because my dad knows the owner? and we get discounts?"

"no." he glanced away from the taller boy.

he let out a little laugh. "okey." 

when it was all four of them, they could get discounts just about anywhere, jack's dad owned half the building in town, jay's mom knew everyone and she was the nicest lady around, and then joseph's dad knew all the russian immigrants, and his mother the chinese ones, and... well the racists loved james dad. 

"what are you gonna get?" james asked as he pushed open the door for him, and it ringed a bit.

"i don't know, probably just a scoop of strawberry." he shrugged a bit, "you?" 

"i like mint." james smiled a bit. that was a but unusual, but not unwelcome. 

"ah, so the usual?" he grinned.

"yeah." 

they both ordered, and james offered to pay, which was helpful for joesph considering he didn't have his wallet on him.

"thanks man." he grinned, nibbling on the cone before he ate any icecream.

"you don't have to pay me back, unlike james." he laughed bitterly.

"god i can't believe he left us." joesph rolled his eyes. 

"he always was a whiny bitch." he narrowed his eyes sharply, at maybe nothing.

"not the only one." joesph said pointedly, though it didn't hold much bite.

"oh god, you're right-" really?, "jay was a wuss too." ah, that tracks.

"sure, that's who i was talking about." he laughed. "you're very observant."

"wait- where you talking about me? fuck you!" he complained childishly, licking his ice-cream. "you wanna go outside?"

"sure." he stood up quickly, "park?" he glanced over at the younger boy.

"yeah, sure man." 

they walked in cold. it might've been getting warmer through the day but it wouldn't reach over 60.

they sat down at the bench in the park, in front of the no longer running fountain. 

joesph glanced over at james, who he noticed had ice cream on his cheek. with little thought, he grabbed his face wiping it off with his cheek 

"hey, what are you-"

joesph covered his mouth. "stop talking ding-dong." 

suddenly, he realized something while holding his face in between his hand, he had a crush on james. maybe he had for a while. yknow what? he was going to do something about it.

"james, i'm going to kiss you, move now if you don't want to." 

james didn't move. he hoped it wasn't because he was still processing, so he leaned in, giving him a little kiss.

joesph pulled away. "you... alright?"

"i- yeah," he murmured, putting his hand up to his lips.

joesph went back to eating his ice cream. "make of that what you will." he shrugged between licks.

"ok." james said sounding a little stunned.

joesph felt pretty good. he didn't know, but so did james.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be scared to comment/request! i have fun :) be specific or as not as you want :))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leo and lemonadasoup asked for this :)) hope you liek.. it gets a bit sad :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're girls!!!! :) i love women

right unity

nazi layer curled up in ancap's arms. ancap really love holding the smaller woman. neither of them would ever admit it... well ancap would if you gave her enough money, but nazi would never, ever admit that they loved this. they really loved just, hanging out at 4 in the morning.

they never talked to each other, but ancap would smother her with kisses, and nazi would barely pull away. the next morning , she would go back to calling ancap some degenerate jew landlord fag or something. it's not like ancap was in love with her though. she had a crush but she wasn't a masochist.

she was okay with it being like this. really. it sounded like some sad girl shit, but she understood how reality worked. 

ancap put down her phone finally, her tik-tok "for you page was full of too many trump boot lickers. nazi looked so peaceful. she still had those stupid hitler-youth braids in her hair though. they had to go.

ancap tried to move in a way that would wake her up, but she had such shaky hands, she was a little concerned. she quietly pulled out the hair tie in the left braid, and slowly removed it, just working backwards, trying not to smack her in the head with her shaky ass hands. 

despite her best efforts, nazi slowly came around. "huh? ah, what are you doing?" she said softly, her voice muffled in her due to the fact that her face was in her chest. 

"i'm- i'm ah- i'm undoing your hair." was that the way to phrase it? she wasn't sure.

"ah, you're gonna have to redo it later. i hate doing it myself." she grumbled. 

"i just kinda wanted to see if it was curly, plus it looks like it hurts. yeowch." ancap murmured. 

the conversation was so tried and slurred between the two of them, and ancap honestly though she might've yelled at her and left, it had happened before for different reasons, and she was a bit trigger happy, no surprise to anyone. 

"is it curly though?" she hummed.

"kinda yeah. that's cool. does it hurt?" she thought to ask.

"sometimes i guess, but i'm not a whiny baby, so it doesn't matter."

the strip lights in ancap's room basked them in a gentle blue light. ancap hadn't picked it for the girl cuddling her face into her chest, though, it was a bit timely, wasn't it? she mostly picked it because she liked the way it looked. 

by the time she got done with one, nazi was already back asleep. she started up on the other one. nazi's dyed blonde hair looked really pretty when wavy. nazi silently said down, her head resting on ancaps thighs. she assumed she wasn't gonna say anything but soon she looked up. 

"why are you still wearing that stupid dress?" she grumbled. "put on some sweatpants or something."

nazi was wearing silk sleep pants and no shirt. ancap was wearing a short black dress, with some borrowed fishnets that were a little to tight for her, but what could she expect borrowing something with ancom? 

"aw, you care about me!" she cooed sluggishly.

"shut up, put pants on, this dress isn't uncomfortable, and neither are these stupid fishnets." she complained. 

"alright, move then." 

"fuck, no!" she whined wrapping her arms around her waist, tucking her head into ancaps soft stomach.

"no, you wanted me to put pants on, i'm moving!" ancap said through laughs, trying to dislodge the smaller woman, that being said, she was smaller, but way fucking stronger than someone who tended to only rely on the nap and an ak47.

"no." she groaned, "i lied." 

"nope!" she grinned trying to just... wriggle out of her grip. god she was gonna die like this, stuck between some strong boot lickers arm. 

while wriggling around, her dress pulled up a little bit, revealing his underwear. "actually!" she wriggled enough to get her arms out of the fascists grip. she pulled the purple slip dress off herself, and tossed it across the room.

nazi glanced up, "smart ass. wait- are those? are those strawberry underwear? and why are they so lacy?" she snapped them so they hit her hips. 

"oh shut up!" she laughed, and nazi finally let go of her giving her room to slide her fishnets off too. nazi latched right back onto her though and fell back asleep soon.

god, now she was jealous of ancom. they got to keep commie, commie was theirs, and they were commies, or something close. she wanted that. she wanted to be the big bad corporation funding the evil genius. she wanted to keep nazis gold while she fought a war, but she couldn't have that. 

she had never been so jealous of ancom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anywyas comment? :))


	5. left unity babeyyyy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they gay, but like not super romantic as someone specified no clue who doe don't remember but i hope you like it!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty canon set i think

"hey tankie," the smaller leftist started.

"anarkiddy?" the man cut him off, god, he always fucking did that, why couldn't he just look up and respond nonverbally like everyone else does?

qui sighed sharply. "you think we're gonna live through this centricide thing, or whatever?"

"да! it's not like the centrists could effectively kill any of us. they're centrists, weak and getting weaker." he shrugged at the younger ideology besides him, sticking the cigarette back in his mouth.

"no man, i mean like- like- shit..." 

"spit it out would you?" the man looked a bit irritated. he hated when qui stuttered. 

qui exhaled again, "i mean don't you think that one of us is gonna betray the team or whatever? decide that the centrists aren't the biggest threat and off us instead? like you have before, or like nazi has before?"

"or like you have before anarkiddy," he said pointedly, "i think our comradeship will hopefully override the urge to strangle each other." he shrugged. "and, i mean, if it does come to pass, we can stop it like we've stopped it before. you got any more hard to answer questions? i need to prepare myself." he smiled lopsidedly at ancom, who couldn't help but smile back.

"yeah... yeah actually, do you think this team will work out?" qui didn't look over at commie, not because qui was scared of him being mad or anything, not that. 

surprisingly, when qui glanced over at him, he looked unsure. "i don't know anc-anarkiddy, it- it's hard to tell. i hope so. is that a good enough answer for now?" he asked earnestly. 

"yeah, yeah..." qui nodded, it wasn't really, but qui'd gotten pretty good at lying to tankie over the last few hundred years, so qui really hoped he didn't have a clue.

"anything else? i've got time for one more, but i've got work to do soon, i'll have to head back inside." he stared in front of him, at the setting sun. 

"i don't think so." ancom hummed, and then, in a moment of pure desperation, qui leaned his head on tankies shoulder. qui felt the man tense up for a second, then soon ease up a little. 

that work clearly wasn't as important as he had made it seem though, because instead of getting up to go inside, he reached inside his coat to grab a copy of the communist manifesto, which qui refrained from laughing at.

god, qui hoped this team lasted if it meant qui got to spend a little more time with tankie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment?? :)


	6. libcap babey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LIBCAP BABEY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LIBBCAPP BABBEY

libertarian watched ancap sway along the floor, some girl in his arms. he was sure they had more important things to do, but, why not let ancap have his fun? he was new to this whole thing, wasn't he? 

that just rounded out to libertarian thinking about how old he was, which really just made him feel a bit silly, watching this much newer ideology dance around. 

the only other man who could've matched his age in theory was the communist, but he was sure they didn't agree on quite enough to ever hang out very often. 

ancap on the other hand, they agreed on a lot, most things in fact. just minor disagreements, and they really didn't bug either of them that much either. they were closer, which was nice.

ancap finally stumbled over to libertarian, loosing his usual grace and prowess. 

"you wanna go?" he slurred a bit, smiling at the shorter man, flashing his perfect, white, million dollar smile.

"as long as you're done." he nodded at the man, who made it clear he was as he promptly took his arm and made a swift exit out of the ballroom they'd been in.

libertarian lived close enough that they could walk home, though he was really trusting ancap to be leading them the right way, considering he had all the power at the moment.

he seemed to be doing quite a good job for how tired and drunk he was.

ancap stumbled up the stairs in his uptown apartment, leaning on libertarian when he realized he didn't have a key, hiding his face in libertarians neck, who laughed a little as the lock clicked open. 

ancap dragged him inside, and tried to get him away from the door, although failed to do so, as libertarian quietly closed it.

they barely got to the couch before ancap dropped down onto it, pulling libertarian down with a thud as he hit his chest.

"good god, ancap are you alright?" the other man pulled him up, so more or less he was sitting in his lap grabbing his face. 

ancap ignored the question in lieu of dragging him back down and wrapping his arms around the man sleepily.

"ancap, love, we should change," he suggested politely, as his hat fell off.

"nah, tired, don't wanna," he grumbled, tucking his face into libertarian. 

he let out a little laugh and let himself go loose, "goodnight then darlin'," he said sweetly.

"night, love you," he muttered.

"love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks, love ya


	7. clowns that i love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's capcom but not quite. i thought the idea was a bit silly but i don't hate it :)

ancap slid on to the couch next to commie, who had a unlit cigarette in his mouth. "hey tankie?"

"kulak." he spoke firmly.

"i've been thinking-" he started in his whiny and nasally voice.

"dangerous past-time." he said sharply, still chewing on the cigarette, he hadn't even looked over at the other man.

"rude, anyways, you and i should date!" he smiled.

the fact that commie didn't immediately knock his teeth out, was surprising to say the least.

"are you asking me out?" he said dully.

"no! well, yes, but not quite." he started, until commie cut him off aggressively.

"you're floundering." he noted.

"you see, i've got this business plan, and i have to seem more tolerant, or whatever, and you're hot and dominating, and i'm hot, and together we'd be gay, and i mean for you, i'll pay you, and it can look like you're owning the kulaks or whatever, and it'll be perfect!" he grinned.

"what? no." he shook his head at the absurd idea.

"why not?!" he whined, leaning into commie, who pushed him away, "you'd be able to represent the gays without ancom!" 

authright looked like he was calculating something in his head before his shook it, "no, i'm not going to compromise my morals so we look better or whatever you were saying this would do." 

"why not?" he groaned, this was a harder sell then he thought it'd be.

"i just said why. this isn't that hard, i don't want to marry you so you seem better to a few people," he shrugged, did the man have no morals?

"who said anything about marriage? you just have to go to a few events, people take pictures, we fake break and it's done! it's really genius." he said smugly. 

commie knew he wouldn't get away with a no, and he was terribly intriguing, "i'll think about it kulak." he really couldn't ignore the feeling that arose when he thought about them dating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> commen


End file.
